Our lives are made in these small hours. These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away but these small hours, these small hours still remain. - Rob Thomas "Little Wonders"

This is my first post that I'm starting without a topic. I don't know where this one will take me, but I suppose that it's much like anything in life; sometimes, you just jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride and hope to learn a lesson or two along the way.

My surgery was just over a week ago. Perhaps I should recount the events of the surgery and my progress to date.

I arrived at the hospital on Thursday, May 29 at 5:30 am, with a 7:30 surgery start. I was happily surprised with a visit from my friend Theresa (at 6:30AM on her day off!!), who just happens to be a surgical nurse at the hospital. She spoke highly of my surgeon and my anesthesiologist so I knew I was in good hands. (Just in case you're wondering Theresa, that was just beyond cool. I was so humbled that you came by to see me, the morning of my surgery. Thank you for being there and thank you for being my friend. xo) At 7:25, I was rolled into the operating room. I looked around for less than a minute and remember exactly nothing after that. Around 11:30, I woke up in recovery.

One of the first things I learned when moving post-surgery, is how often one uses the pectoral muscles. My first self-directive was to use my abdominal muscles as much as possible. Sitting up, lifting the arms, stretching, breathing....all heavily involve the pectorals. I've never appreciated them so much. They're currently working very hard to hold in place my expanders. 

The expanders were put in during the surgery, right after all of my breast tissue was removed. They are like small balloons, inserted beneath my pectoral muscles, that are filled with saline to create a pocket for my implants. Starting in a couple of weeks, I'll go to a local clinic to have them filled with more saline and little by little they'll make a bigger and bigger pocket. Right now, they're each filled with 250 ccs and feel like small boulders on my chest. I don't feel any pain with regards to cut skin. It feels more like muscle pain. My years of running have conditioned me to be somewhat impervious to muscle pain. I stopped taking the prescribed pain pills 3 days after my surgery and have only been taking ibuprofen.

The second lesson I learned is that nurses are a gift from God. When my children were born, I had a room full of strangers....doctors, nurses, medical students....so there is no shame left in my world. My secrets have all been exposed to the peering eyes of those I had never met. This was true again after my surgery. No one becomes more humbled than at the precise moment they need someone to help them use a toilet....and pull up or down one's underwear. 

The third lesson, one that I will be working on over the coming months, is patience. I don't have patience for myself. I have more patience for others, which I discovered when I had my children as well as when I cared for the children of others. I want to do what I want to do, but I've found that I'm undone by even the simplest of tasks these days. A shower is major undertaking. Making a meal exhausts me. My recliner is my best friend and my worst enemy. An active individual such as myself has no patience for laziness and this recovery process is akin to laziness.....a necessary laziness.

Lesson number four caught me off guard this weekend: Find the joy in a normal day. I wasn't expecting to be so content with a "normal" weekend; shopping, a movie in the theater with my family, a conversation with friends. Never underestimate the comfort that lies within predictability and commonality. I kept to my normal routine this weekend and it was wonderful. 

Life is an on-going series of lessons. I know there will be more for me to learn as I progress through this crazy cancer maze and I'm grateful for each and every one.