When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

I feel as though I should be more upset about this whole thing; crying more, sad, melancholy, general malaise…..but I’m not. I’m not even all that angry. I’m just displaced and REALLY inconvenienced. This has been a huge inconvenience for me. I’ve had to miss work for appointments and imposing upon others to do my work for me. Work I should be doing. I’m responsible and I shouldn’t be expecting others to do my work. Damn you, cancer…you’re in my way.

I see this as a major problem. I’m just not upset enough.

I should be asking, “Why me?” but I’m not. I’m just saying, “Ok, let’s do this.”

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I be as upset as those around me seem to be? I have a heart….at least I think I do. I see more sadness in the eyes and words of my friends and family than I do in myself. My wonderful friends and family…..I’m beyond blessed. Maybe that’s why I’m not more upset. I know I have a ridiculously huge support group. I suppose I could have kept all of this news private and only within the very immediate circle of friends and family, but why? I don’t need to keep it to myself to prove my strength and I certainly don’t see sharing my situation as a burden put upon others. I don’t ask for sympathy and I really don’t need the casserole brigade stopping by every day, I just ask for understanding. Sometimes, my head is preoccupied with this. I’m trying to stay focused on my immediate concerns, but sometimes I struggle with this. Please understand.

Cancer doesn’t define me. I am still me, I have just hit a bump in the road. To many, I’m considered a “Cancer Survivor”. Truthfully, I’m not particularly interested in that moniker.  It also doesn’t destroy me. I’m going to make my comeback shortly after this shit is taken out of me.  I suppose all that’s left is to have it make me stronger. 

I’ve said that strength and drive come from within and NO ONE can give you that motivation. It has no meaning if you’re doing it (whatever “it” is), for someone else. So, I find my inner strength, and find additional support in those around me.

I guess the point of all of this is that I’m not sad because I know I have my family and friends there for me at every turn, especially those who have already been given a cancer diagnosis. Sadly, I have many friends and family who are in the Cancer Club. Who better to lean on, than those who know what it feels like; to be told those awful words, “You have cancer.”